When your young person wants to quit sport. How to support in the right way
When a child or teenager suddenly decides to stop playing sport, you, as a parent, are faced with many questions and a lot of uncertainty. Is it just a phase or a serious decision, and how should you act? This guide provides you with concrete strategies to deal with the situation with empathy and help you make the right decision for your child.
By: Tommy Davidovic | Cert. Coach (CPCC, PCC, CTPC) & Mental Trainer.
It often starts with a comment at the dinner table. An evasive answer when you ask how the training went. Or maybe even a tearful look and the words: "I don't want to anymore." As a parent, it's easy to feel a stab in the heart. What happens now? Is this just a phase, or are they serious?
Wanting to quit sport is something many children and teenagers go through. And it often raises big questions, both for the athlete and you as a parent. What is the right thing to do? Should you encourage them to keep fighting or let them quit right away?
Here we guide you through the important perspectives, research, and concrete strategies to help you handle the situation with empathy, curiosity, and a long-term view, whether your child actually quits or finds their way back to joy.
In this article:
What is behind the words: "I want to quit"?
Children and young people often express their feelings in extremes. "I never want to play football again" can mean anything from "I had a hard day" to "I don't feel seen anymore". As an adult, you need to be able to stop, listen behind the words and not react with panic or defense.
One of the most common mistakes we adults make is to quickly try to solve the feeling, instead of understanding it.
It can be about:
- Temporary exhaustion after an intense period of training and competition.
- Feelings of inadequacy or never being 'good enough'.
- Conflicts with coaches, teammates or other adults.
- External pressure from the environment, often well-meaning but still heavy.
Taking the feeling seriously does not mean that they should stop immediately. It means that you explore together what it is all about.
What creates long-term enjoyment of sport?
Studies in sports psychology clearly indicate that what makes athletes stay in sport and feel good is not medals, rankings or performance. Instead, it is the experience of inner motivation, joy and belonging.
Key factors:
- Autonomy - both young people (and adults) need to feel that they have a choice, that they are participating for their own sake.
- Competence - to feel that you are developing and able to take on new challenges.
- Community - to belong, to feel seen and important in the group.
When training is only about "winning the next game" or "impressing the coach", athletes risk losing their inner drive. Therefore, as an adult, it is important to ask yourself the question:
"Do we focus on performance or on experience?"
But what if the child really loves their sport?
Here's something that many people miss: young people who love their sport can also want to quit. Not because they are tired, but because it has become too much.
Perhaps it reminds you of something you have experienced. Maybe you remember a time when you lost the desire. Not because the activity itself was wrong, but because stress, pressure or performance anxiety took over.
This is exactly the case for many young people in sport. And when that happens, they often think they have to opt out of sport, instead of changing the conditions to continue.
"It wasn't playing the game that was hard - it was all the anxiety leading up to it."
This is a crucial shift. Helping them see that maybe it's not the sport that's the problem, but the fear, the pressure or the environment around it.
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What can you do as a parent?
1. Be curious, not reactive: Do not react immediately. Neither with a "But you can't stop!" or "Okay, let's stop." Instead, sit down and ask:
- "Tell me more."
- "What is it that makes you feel that way?"
- "When did you start feeling this way?"
- "Is there anything in sport that still feels fun?"
Show that you are interested, not to convince, but to understand. Your curiosity can create a sense of security, which in turn helps them explore their own feelings.
2. become aware of your feelings about this: It is easy to confuse your own grief or disappointment with the child's experience. Maybe you have invested time, money and emotion. Perhaps it was your way of socializing, feeling pride or dreaming together.
But when you, as a parent, feel "resistance" to your child wanting to quit, it may be time for a moment of self-examination. Ask yourself the question:
"Do I want my child to continue for their sake, or for mine?"
This does not mean that your feelings are not important. It means that you need to separate them from their decisions.
Is it a phase - or something deeper?
It can be difficult to determine whether the desire to quit is temporary or based on a deeper need. It can be helpful to look at patterns over time.
Signs that it may be a phase:
- They still love some parts of sport (e.g. buddies, games).
- The desire to quit arises mainly in the context of stressful periods.
- The feeling changes very quickly depending on the success or failure.
Signs that the youth is ready:
- The feeling of disinterest has been present for some time.
- The child engages in other activities instead.
- There are no clear elements of joy left.
- Deciding this requires time, conversation and patience. Keep in mind that no decision needs to be made immediately.
Are there alternatives to quitting completely?
Absolutely. Many times you don't have to stop completely. Changing the way you play sport can be enough.
Alternative:
- Change of trainer or environment: Sometimes a new group can change everything.
- Take a break from racing: keep training, but without the pressure to perform.
- Try a different sport: new movement patterns and impressions can reignite motivation.
- Focus on the social: Sport can be a place for community rather than performance.
The important thing here is that the child feels that they have choices. It gives a sense of control and boosts motivation, whether it leads to continuing or changing paths.
What does The Flow Mindset say about motivation and performance?
When I created The Flow MindsetI did so knowing that true joy of achievement does not come from pressure or fear, but from presence, meaning and joy.
Many times when an athlete starts mental training with us, they come because they are tired of not being able to perform and fully enjoy their sport. It is not uncommon for athletes to even think about quitting their sport.
They often think they have lost interest because they are 'done' with sport, but they soon realize that they are not tired of sport per se, but rather that they are tired of sport making them feel the way they do.
Within the method, we work a lot on changing perspectives on all these things. We actively work on practicing both thoughts and actions that reinforce both the experiences we want and the likelihood of success.
We know that things like motivation and performance are side effects of the process. So one of the things we work on is changing our perspective from "I have to do well" to focusing on what we can control right now (and which maximizes the likelihood of performance). We reduce our inner resistance by changing our perspective from "positive/negative" to seeing all outcomes as positive and negative, but above all neither.
There is of course much more, but basically it is about moving away from the static and inflexible thinking that only leads to increased internal resistance - to a way of looking at everything that happens with as little resistance as possible - which opens us up to learning, development and joy regardless of what the result shows.
When we learn to:
- be present in the moment rather than focusing on results/future,
- embrace both success and failure as natural parts of the process,
- find joy in the practice itself,
...we lay the foundations for sustainable joy in sport, and in life.
Quitting is not a failure
In a society where we often measure value in terms of achievement and perseverance, it is easy to see 'quitting' as a defeat. But quitting can also be a sign of maturity, integrity and self-awareness.
When a child or young person dares to say "this doesn't feel right for me anymore", it needs to be met with respect. It can be the start of a new passion, a new path, a new chapter.
And even if the sport ends, they take with them:
- self-discipline
- physical strength
- cooperation skills
- and the ability to listen to oneself
It is worth celebrating.
The most important thing is not whether your youngster wins the next match
Parenting a young athlete is often an emotional rollercoaster. You experience pride, joy and camaraderie. But also frustration, worry and sometimes disappointment. When your child says "I want to quit" one day, it's easy to feel anxious. But it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be an opening to something important.
It's not about raising a champion. It's about helping your child build an inner compass, a sense of who they are, what's important and how to make decisions that feel right.
It is easy to react immediately. Many parents try to resolve the situation right away, by persuading, advising or booking a meeting with the coach. But what the child often needs most is something completely different: a present adult who listens, without judging.
"I hear you. Tell me more."
Such a simple phrase can make a big difference. It shows that you take their feelings seriously. It shows that you don't want to control or suppress, but understand. It opens the door to a conversation where your young person can put into words what is bothering them, reflect and perhaps find their own answers.
Some athletes want to quit because sport has lost its joy. Others because the pressure has become too great. Either way, it's not always the sport itself that's the problem, but how it's perceived. By listening openly, you will help your child to discern what is actually behind it.
It is also important that you separate your feelings from theirs. Maybe you have invested a lot of time, money and commitment in sport. Maybe you have dreamed together. But it is their journey. Not yours.
When a child is made to feel understood, even if they choose not to, it builds something valuable. They learn that it's okay to feel, that it's safe to express themselves, and that you don't have to perform to be good.
And if your youth still ends? Then it brings more than you think: discipline, team spirit, joy of movement, and a sense of being yourself.
So when your child next says "I want to stop", you may not need to respond immediately. Maybe it's enough to stop, look your child in the eye and say:
"I hear you. Tell me more."
Would you like to get more tools to support your child in joy, achievement and mental strength?
Explore The Flow Mindset and discover how small mental shifts can create big changes, both on and off the field.
About the author
Tommy Davidovic
Cert. Coach (CPCC, PCC, CTPC) & Mental Trainer who helps athletes get guaranteed change and results fast. Creator of the Flow Mindset method that has helped athletes around the world break their old records and made competition fun again.
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