How to help your teenager cope with the pressure, stress and nervousness of competition
This article is for parents who are looking for practical tips and strategies on how to best meet and support their young athletes in challenging sports situations.
By: Tommy Davidovic | Cert. Coach (CPCC, PCC, CTPC) & Mental Trainer.
Seeing your athletic child, teenager or young person in a pressured, stressed or nervous state before competitions can be both frustrating and deflating. Many parents want nothing more than to help their children relax, enjoy their sport and perform at their best. But how do you do it the right way? Here are some concrete strategies to help your teenager deal with nervousness and overthinking in a healthy way.
In this article:
What is competitive pressure and how does it affect young athletes?
Competitive pressure is the feeling of tension and expectation that arises when an athlete has to perform in an important situation. Too often, people get caught up in trying to define this as positive or negative. But the fact is that nervousness is a natural reaction of our bodies when we are faced with something that is important to us - and where we simultaneously experience a lack of control over the future outcome.
Since we can never know with certainty how something will turn out in the future, it is perhaps quite natural that we can all get nervous and start overthinking in the hope of creating enough control so that we can start to relax.
For some young people it will be no worse than they can handle and it won't affect them significantly, while for others it can become a block that prevents them from both performing and enjoying themselves - which can ruin the whole experience and lead to a spiral of self-criticism and disappointment.
Common signs of nervousness before competitions
- Worry and anxiety - the child expresses that they are nervous or have a stomach ache
- Overthinking - lots of thoughts about how things should go and what could go wrong
- Physical symptoms - palpitations, sweating, tense body
- Avoidance behavior - your teenager doesn't want to talk about the competition or tries to find excuses not to participate.
Understanding the function of nervousness
Nervousness is part of the body's stress response and a natural part of the competitive situation. It is not a matter of getting rid of nervousness, but of learning to manage it and use it in a positive way.
The difference between positive and negative stress
- Positive stress (Eustress) - Increases focus, energy and motivation
- Negative stress (Distress) - Creates worry, anxiety and tension that can impair performance
How can we manage stress towards eustress?
Reframing (Reframing)Help your teenager to see nervousness as a challenge rather than a threat. Instead of thinking "I'm so nervous, I'm going to fail" they can think "I'm excited, this is an opportunity to test my skills!".
Self-regulation: Breathing exercises and mental training help young people cope with stress. For example, the simple technique of 6-2-7 breathing (inhale for 6 seconds, hold for 2 seconds, exhale for 7 seconds) can calm the nervous system.
Procedures for recovery: Sleep, good food, physical activity and social support reduce the risk of stress becoming harmful.
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Preparation reduces nervousness
- Preparation is the key to peace of mind. The more predictable something feels, the less anxiety it creates.
Creating pre-competition routines
- Make a predictable plan together - what does your teenager want to do in the hours before the competition? (important that this is something other than focusing on the competition).
- Introduce a breathing exercise in the warm-up (for example 6-2-7 breathing)
- Talk about what behaviors they can focus on (e.g. joking with friends, dropping their shoulders and moving more relaxed, talking) - this puts the attention on the present instead of the future.
- Teach the child to shift focus from things that are out of our control, to what is within our control (e.g. compete with energy, movement or something else they can always succeed at).
How you talk about your nervousness matters
- Avoid saying things like "Don't be nervous" - then you reinforce the belief in your youth that feeling nervous is bad/wrong.
- Normalize the feeling: "It's completely normal to feel this way before a competition. It just means that it's important to you."
- Use positive associations: "Feel the tingle in your stomach, it means you are ready!"
- Turn the discussion around: "What do you like about being nervous?" - explore the other side of it and ask follow-up questions
- Look for other emotions: "Find the tension, what percentage do you feel? Where in your body is it?" - do the same with e.g. joy, etc.
Stop thinking about results - stay in the present
- Teach your teenager to focus on what they can control (e.g. timing, pace, movement, rhythm) rather than the outcome.
- Remind them that results can neither be controlled in advance nor changed afterwards - the more focus on results, the harder it is to be present and get into flow
How you can mentally support your youth athlete
As a parent, you can play a crucial role in how your young athlete experiences competitive situations. It's not just about cheering them on before a match, but also about shaping a healthy attitude towards performance and development. Instead of focusing on the result, you can help your teenager reflect on their experiences and what they have learned. Questions such as "How did it feel to play?" or "What was the funniest part of the match?" gives a more positive perspective than just asking if they won or scored.
Another important part of your support is to introduce simple mental tools, such as breathing and visualization. Practicing calm breathing can help them manage nervousness and maintain focus during the competition. Visualization is another powerful tool that allows youth athletes to imagine in advance how to perform their movements in the best way, which increases confidence and self-esteem. By creating a safe and supportive environment, where performance is more about development and enjoyment than results, you will help your teenager to both perform better and have more fun in their sport.
What to avoid as a parent
As a parent, you obviously want to support your teenager, but there are some common traps to watch out for:
- Becoming your child's coach - Let the coach take care of the instructions. Your job is to be a safe and supportive parent, not an extra coach off the field.
- Putting your own desire for success on your teenager - Your child should play sport for its own sake, not to fulfill your dreams. Feeling that a parent's pride depends on results can create unnecessary pressure.
- Excessive focus on achievement - If all the attention is on results, your teenager risks losing the joy. Instead, highlight development, lessons learned and the positive experiences.
- Downplaying or ignoring nervousness - Nervousness is a natural reaction, and saying things like "There's nothing to be nervous about" can make your teenager feel misunderstood. Acknowledge the feeling and help them deal with it instead.
- Trying to 'fix' their feelings - Sometimes people just need to vent without getting an immediate solution. Listen, ask questions and let them work out for themselves how to deal with the situation.
Keep in mind, however, that following this advice is not enough if at the same time you are almost exclusively recognizing and affirming achievements and results. Becoming aware of these pitfalls is part of the whole, but for it to be received and have the greatest impact, you may also need to look at yourself and what you choose to affirm in your child on a regular basis.
The importance of safety and support from you as a parent
Your teenager needs to feel that your love and support is not dependent on performance. Creating a safe environment, where competitions are seen as a learning and fun experience rather than a judgment on performance, will give your child the best possible conditions to deal with competitive pressure and nervousness.
Practical tips for race day
- Maintain a calm and positive tone - your teenager is mirroring your behavior.
- Remind them to have fun - sport should be fundamentally joyful!
- Make the competition a learning experience regardless of the outcome - reflect together afterwards.
Remember that: It's not about taking away the nervousness - it's about teaching the youth athlete to have a healthy perspective on it and possibly use it in a way that helps them perform and have fun at the same time!
About the author
Tommy Davidovic
Cert. Coach (CPCC, PCC, CTPC) & Mental Trainer who helps athletes get guaranteed change and results fast. Creator of the Flow Mindset method that has helped athletes around the world break their old records and made competition fun again.
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